“Satan-Wrote-the-Bible”

In the comments over at TFN Insider, Ben proposed a significant improvement to the creation myths provided by the various religions of the world:

“I call it the Satan-wrote-the-Bible theory. Why? Because Satan wrote the bible, that’s why. Here are the main tenets of my theory:

1. There is no god or gods; the theory of evolution is accurate.

2. The earth (and everything else) was formed as a result of the Big Bang, billions of years ago.

3. We don’t know how life originated, and we may never know.

4. The only supernatural entity in existence is Satan. He didn’t create humankind, but he does have some limited powers than can be quite annoying. For instance, he has affected our thinking to make humans believe in thousands of different “gods” throughout history. He gives them funny names like Mordak, Zeus, and Yahweh, just because he thinks it’s humorous.

5. Satan wrote the Bible as a means to torment mankind. He wants us to think there is a wonderful afterlife, but there isn’t. He got a real kick out of filling the Bible with stonings, genocide, slavery, incest, etc. He also wrote the Koran and some other religious texts just to stir up trouble.

6. Satan planted the idea of intelligent design into some humans’ brains as a means to create havoc on earth. It appears to be working. Just look at the Discovery Institute. They are in the grip of Satan and don’t even realize it.

7. Satan occasionally uses his limited powers to create “evidence” of intelligent design. For instance, he might make some organisms appear irreducibly complex. He also makes some people think the planet is much younger than it really is.

8. There were a lot more fossils around that would have satisfied everybody, including creationists, as far as transitions, but Satan destroyed them.

The funny thing, I have as much evidence for my theory as creationists have for their theory. And not a single creationist has been able to prove my theory wrong. You’re welcome to give it a shot.”

Why is this an improvement you ask? I direct you to points 1, 2 and 3. Oh, my Satan! Is that science in this creation myth? How beautiful! Furthermore in point 4, Ben has decreased the number of supernatural beings to ONE. I’m a strong proponent of the KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid) principle. In all seriousness, this  “Satan-wrote-the-Bible” theory is just as much bullshit as all the other theories proposed by religions.

As a side note, Ben and I have NOT used the word “theory” in the scientific sense of the word. Instead, it has been used in the “hijacked by creationists to confuse the nonthinker” sense which wikipedia so eloquently describes: ” The term is often used colloquially to refer to any explanatory thought, even fanciful or speculative ones….” My own emphasis added to highlight bullshit parts.

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~ by evangelatheist on March 22, 2009.

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